Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

366 Days Later:

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Wed, 12/31/2008 - 12:52pm

So in roughly 12 hours, East Coast time, it'll be 2009. 2008 was a pretty cool year:

-Barack Obama was elected president. Yes We Did!
-I started college! Learned a lot about computers, math, and life. Also started working on a beer gut.
-Gas prices plummeted for the second half of the year.
-The Dark Knight was released, and Heath Ledger DEFINITELY should win best supporting actor posthumously.

But some weak stuff happened too:
-Economic recession comes to light.
-Turns out this bastard Madoff stole, like, billions of dollars from a bunch of people in a glorified Ponzie scheme.
-Several Banks go under, get bought out, or get bailed out.
-American Auto industry comes crawling to DC on it's hands and knees begging for money.
-A ton of Middle East violence erupts.
-Russia invades Georgia.

These lists could both be longer, but I'd rather not think about 2008 more than I have to. I'd like to think about 2009.

2009 is going to have its own unique challenges. When old man '08 bites the dust while kicking the bucket, he's going to be handing off some ugly situations to the young 2009.

-More violence in the Middle East.
-Short oil supplies.
-A ton of endangered species and habitats.

And stuff like that.

But hey: 20 days in, 2009 will see the inauguration of President Barack Obama and the ushering out of George Dubya Bush.

2009 has a lot of potential. Let's hope that it doesn't disappoint.

Then again, the onus is kind of on us to make that happen, isn't it?

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

World Peace and a Pony, Part 6 and Last.

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Sun, 12/21/2008 - 10:03pm

At the D.C. office of Senator Bobby Smith, D-CA

"Mr. Smith?" said Bobby's intern from UCLA.

"Yeah, Steve?"

"Good luck in session."

"Thanks, and have a good Christmas. Are you headed back to Pasadena?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Well, I hope next semester goes well. And I'd be happy to write you a reference letter over the recess if you need it."

"Thanks, Mr. Smith. I'll call you."

And with that, Bobby left his office with a stack of notes, headed to meet in Congress for the last session of the year. This session, there was to be a vote on the Smith Treaty, a demilitarization bill that was the result of the biggest anti-war movement since Vietnam, a war that Bobby didn't ever know aside from school.

Things had changed drastically since Bobby wrote the letter to Santa. The United States was in an active arms race with Iran. There were literally missiles one click away from decimation of the entire Middle East should the President think it necessary.

Bobby, with the support of a few other senators, had drafted this radical and unpopular treaty calling for an immediate cease of production of long-range nuclear weapons, and gradual disarming of current nuclear weapons. The war-crazed Senate Majority Leader would have none of this peace talk, as he was completely convinced that Iran would not hesitate to fire at every major US city from San Diego to Seattle to Boston to Miami if the US budged an inch. He might have been right. But Bobby had an intercepted email conversation, telephone transcripts, and a carefully crafted closing speech that might prove that assumption wrong.

Cut to four hours later. The Senate was a zoo. The support of the treaty was at 38 votes and the opposition was at 41 votes, with 21 undecided.

After a long pause in the conversation, Bobby stepped forward to defend his treaty.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Senate." A long pause. "I drafted this treaty for one reason and one reason only. We, as a nation, as a people, as a population, could not withstand the devastation of a nuclear attack, an attack which we think is imminent.

"We have bombproof shelters, canned food, saran wrap and duct tape. We have drills in school, drills at home, and we have seen some truly terrifying machines of destruction take shape over the past few decades.

"We have made these preparations with the knowledge that if an attack is carried out on our shores, we will be able to live through it. We will at least live long enough to pull the trigger on our enemies, so they can suffer while we suffer and lay waste to each other's territories. We have hundreds of thousands of troops ready to be mobilized, we have the largest standing army on the face of the planet, we have a strong network of allies. Yet, if the unthinkable happened, what would we really be able to do?

"If we were to be bombed, then what good are our weapons? The only thing that they could do is devastate the other country. And no amount of damage dealt to our enemies can ever, ever undo the devastation of an attack on our own soil.

"This is why I have drafted the Treaty. It is not a total peace treaty, it is not a call to end all wars. It simply is a document that takes into account the multifaceted destruction of nuclear arms and concludes that the only rational protection against an attack is to get rid of nuclear arms.

"I am confident that if we sign this treaty, as several of our allies have vowed to, Iran and their allies will follow suit. That is what the intelligence suggests, and I am inclined to act on that intelligence.

"We do not have a ground war on our hands right now. We have a nuclear situation that is rapidly approaching its critical mass, and if no action is taken, it means nothing short of the end of the world.

"I was once told that war is an unfortunate reality that no one person can bring an end to. I have devoted my life to disproving that statement, but I realized in my career as a senator that this is true. There are two parties in any given conflict. But if neither one lays down their weapons, it will always be a conflict.

"This treaty is not a surrender, because even if we do not back down there is still no way to win. We can either stay in this game, forcing a stalemate until someone gets anxious and fires, or we can walk away from the board altogether.

"There is no way to guarantee the success of this treaty. We can guarantee its failure, but the cost of that is too high to risk. On that note, I think we ought to conclude this discussion and decide. It's the last night of this session. We will go home to our families for some time off. But I know I won't be resting easy. This problem doesn't go on recess. If we do not change our path, then we have no choice but to accept the consequences of our current actions."

The last sentence echoed through the hall for what seemed like hours.

It was too nerve-wracking for Bobby to bear. He clutched an old letter in his sweaty palm as the vote was counted. By a vote of 51-48, with one present, The Smith Treaty was signed by the United States Senate.

Within the next day, Russia had signed the treaty as well. Then came Pakistan, followed by Egypt and Germany.

Over two-thirds of the world's nuclear powers ratified the treaty within the next week. Iran, however, was still absent.

Day after day, the department of defense watched satellite imaging constantly, waiting for any sign of a launched warhead. It never came.

One day in January, while the nation was still waiting ill at ease, Iran's Prime Minister released the following statement:

After much debate, the Republican Parliament of Iran has voted in favor of ratifying the Smith Treaty in the hope that it will allow for the development of a strengthened international community. The Parliament would like to make it clear that it hoped to never use its warheads, but felt threatened by international pressures to conform to disagreeable standards. We appreciate the actions of the United States in easing the climate of violence that has swept up all nations in these past years.

Bobby read this and nearly fainted.

And at the North Pole, Nicholas S. Claus took out a letter from 2008, and felt the most proud he had for years. Where years before, old teardrops had bled the ink of the letter, new ones seemed to restore the hopefulness and strength to the brittle and bruised plea.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

World Peace and a Pony, Part 5.

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Fri, 12/19/2008 - 9:24pm

Dear Bobby:

I read your letter about your friend's brother, and I must say, first of all, that for your age, you are very perceptive and compassionate. I was moved by your empathy towards others and your love for all of humanity; to see this in a child is an amazing thing. I am honored to receive a letter of such a noble purpose. Yet, I am afraid that I must disappoint you.

Bobby, peace is a wonderful thing. Yet the world today is complex and full of things that even I do not understand. In fact, I might be right to say that nobody understands why the world is the way it is. Sure, people have their theories. If you look back into history, a lot of the things that are going on today are more understandable. That doesn't justify or excuse them, but it can help explain them.

Bobby, I am not a politician. I am merely powerful enough to grant material wishes. At times, I wish there was more that I could do, but I am not cut out for that act.

I understand that you will be disappointed in me. I understand that you will doubt my powers, maybe even doubt my existence. You might think that your parents wrote you this letter as a 'life lesson' or something to that effect. I won't take it personally. It happens more often than you would ever know.

But Bobby, no one person can bring world peace. Not you, not I, not your senators, not your president, not the head of the United Nations. None of them can do it no matter how hard they try, no matter how much they want it.

This isn't a teamwork thing, this isn't a place where we can accomplish anything we want to by working together. This is just a simple fact that I have come to accept: there will never be peace.

There will always be fighting in the world because there are a few basic, ugly truths that are universal in the world today.

First, might makes right. If you can threaten enough pain on someone, they will do what you want. And if they don't do what you say, then no holds are barred. This goes on all over the world and has throughout history.

Second, the golden rule: Those with the gold make the rules. This is an obvious truth that you will certainly understand when you get older and have to deal with money. Money is power, see point one.

Third: People are liars. People lie because they think it can give them control over the past, the present, and the future. A well-constructed lie told by a skilled liar can fool the majority of people. And when you fool people, you have power over them. See point one.

Bobby, I know this isn't what you wanted. This isn't what you expected. It's probably not what you deserve. But this is the last lesson: life is not fair.

You did not expect this, and you probably are wondering why I would write this. Well, Bobby, keep this letter, and in time you will understand.

Yours truly,
Santa Claus



Bobby cried after he read that letter. Not right after, not a minute after, but years after.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

World Peace and a Pony, Part 4.

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Tue, 12/09/2008 - 11:32pm

Dear Santa,

Hello. My name is Monique and I live in Alsace-Lorraine, France. Last year, I asked for a bicycle, and while I am glad that I received one, I have decided that this year, I can't accept any gifts. Santa, I was reading the newspaper and I saw something terribly sad. In some places in my country, there are riots in the streets because people have different opinions about religion, and skin color, and things like that. What I don't understand is why people have to fight like this. I have talked to my priest about these riots, and all he said is that some people don't accept other people's faiths because they think that theirs is the correct one. I don't understand this! How is it so hard for people to accept others, no matter what they look like, or what they believe, or anything like that? Santa, my parents tell me that there's nothing to do about this crisis, but I don't think they're right. Can you help people understand that these fights are silly and they only hurt people, they don't do anything good for anyone?

Adieu,
Monique La Grange, Alsace-Lorraine, France



Dear Santa,

My parents immigrated to England from Sudan before I was born. I was spared the awful violence, but I am constantly reminded of the pain and suffering that goes on in the country of my heritage. Twice now relatives of mine have tried to obtain permission to live with us, but the government has been quite dodgy about the subject, and I'm afraid that their pleas are falling on deaf ears. If the government will not allow them into the country, then they will have to live their lives in constant fear and pain. I want more than anything else right now for my family in Darfur to have a life free of fear, at least for their own lives. I feel safer here in Manchester, but I am constantly worried that my family will stop writing, at which point my mother, father, and I all know to assume the worst. I just wish more than anything else I will get a letter from them saying how everything is better since the genocide has stopped. I wish more than anything else for there to be a stop to the madness that I see all over the world. I can hardly turn on the television without seeing news of some more deaths in some part of the world as a result of petty and unfounded hate.

A Million Thanks,
Stephen James, Manchester, UK



Dear Santa,

I learned about war at school today. My second-grade teacher, Mr. Whitman, taught us about the Revolutionary War. Why do people have to hurt other people? It's wrong. My mommy always tells me that when you hurt others, you hurt yourself more. Why would people do that? I asked my friend why people fight wars, and he said that war is awesome, but I think he's wrong. He plays a lot of video games, but I don't like his games, they're all too scary. They're all about guns and fighting. I don't like them. And I don't like war, and I think war should be stopped. That's what I want for Christmas. My mommy says that this is better than a pony anyways.

From,
Sara Johnson, New Jersey, USA

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

World Peace and a Pony, Part 3

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Tue, 12/09/2008 - 10:36pm

'World_Peace.doc'

Dear ____,
Thank you for your wonderful letter. It makes me incredibly happy to see a young child care so much about the lives of others. Peace is a wonderful thing, and I would like as much as you would to see an end to wars and conflicts. But unfortunately, war is a reality we all have to face. So the best we can do for now is hope that world leaders will agree with us, and maybe then we can be happy knowing that we may see this dream realized.
All the best,
Santa Claus

Nick put the paper down. He stared into the fireplace for a while.

"Nick, aren't you coming to dinner?"

"Not now, Linda, I have to catch up on my reading, then I have a letter to write."

"Okay, I'll leave you some lasagna in the oven, you can warm it up later."

"Thanks."

Nick stared into the fireplace a little bit longer.

"Nick?"

"Yes, Linda?"

"I'm worried about you."

"You say this every December, dear. The stress at the office is really running high right now, especially this year since our investments are so down. I mean, honestly, who knew that investing in WaMu could have been such a disaster?"

"I know, but I just wish you could relax and enjoy this more. Just don't forget how happy the kids will be on the twenty-fifth."

Santa leaned over to pick up his letter-opener. Then picked up a folder labeled "2008 World Peace 11.30-12.06" and opened it.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

Blag me with a spoon

Progressive Bellwether (by Beata Bujalska) - Tue, 12/09/2008 - 7:59pm

(Ok, first, before we start on the usual, belligerent ranting, let's get the awkwardness out of the way. Yep, I know I haven't written since November. Yep, I know, it's mid-December. Thanks for the update, jackass. Unfortunately, I have this little thing called graduate school that hovers over my shoulder, sometimes breathing hard and uncomfortably close to my ear and I have to deal with the inappropriate nature of all of that, so, don't even get me started on this damn blog, ok? Ok.)

Hey, guess what, Massachusetts? You're not the only state where elected officials are corrupt because they can't control they're obsession with money- actually, they love it so much that they just pour it all into one room and go swimming through it, ala Scrooge in Ducktales, or kids at the Chuckie Cheese pee ball pit. Lookie here - Illinois governor Rod Blagjoveich (a big fat D) was arrested today on charges of corruption, conspiracy, and bribery, all stemming from his plans to sell the now-vacant IL Senate seat (because, you know, the black dude won the Presidency).

Illinois and DC are having a shit storm over this today, with no one really prepared to handle the situation. Harry Reid admitted to being lost. Scattered Senior Sen. Durbin called for an immediate clusterf*ck assembly to rewrite the current legislation for Senatorial appointment. As it stands now, the governor was responsible for filling the empty seat, but seeing as how that plan didn't work so well, Durbin wants to put the process back into the people's hands. Jim Newell's poignant commentary on this:

• Oh Dick Durbin, have you forgotten everything about your state’s politics? Do you think that just because Blaggy’s in jail, the corrupt General Assembly members have stopped bribing him for their preferred replacements? Obviously the voters of Illinois deserve nothing, anyway, since their recent electoral judgment has produced two (2) consecutive criminal governors and one douchebag Senator who started running for president after four minutes on the job.

Is this a problem endemic to crazy liberal states? Like, blue states get corruption charges, red states take over the buttsex scandals? I thought that we were trying to get away from the divisive politics as usual.

But this situation has brought the crazy on in so many delicious ways. Recent tapes reveal that Blagodouche didn't regard Obama in the highest light, even calling him a "motherf*cker" at one point, and subsequently stating "F*ck him. F*ck him." Leave it to a Democrat to reveal Walnuts's deepest thoughts in such a public fashion.

And, of course, K-Lo over at NRO is rolling around in fits of giggles because we finally have an old-fashioned scandal that doesn't involve a Republican penis near a young boy. She praises the media deity since we are now all able to share this lovely news story with our children without them questioning us why a boy would like to kiss another boy (icky). Good thing that K-Lo is married. With kids. And not a repulsive human being that will never find someone to love her. Oh, wait.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

First Ever International Accountability Day!

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Mon, 12/08/2008 - 3:20pm

I love twitter. Twitter is a website that everyone should check out at some point, I won't explain now. But I love twitter because randomly I came across three total strangers on the public feed who posted the three following stories.

"Tribune Files For Bankruptcy Protection"
"GM Says it Disappointed and Betrayed Consumers"
"Catholics and Muslims to Fight Terror and Defend Faith"

So thank you, total strangers on the Internet, for helping me procrastinate and have something to blog about, especially because the "World Peace and a Pony" series is at a standstill right now. I promise it will resolve itself. Spoiler alert: I'm leaning towards a happy ending.


Anyhow, I am particularly moved by those headlines because I think they each represent different attempts to say the following:

"I guess we f***ed up a bit there."
Or, "I took the cookies from the cookie jar."

Or, in other words, "My bad."

I am particularly surprised by the last two headlines, both from Reuters, if you care to look them up.

Starting with the Catholic/Muslim deal.

The initiative, called Common Word, is an effort backed by the Pope and many Vatican officials as well as Muslim leaders.

This is an attempt to move on from something I personally cannot stand- Hypocrisy in the name of some deity. If your god tells you not to kill people, or something like that, then it's a pretty good idea to not do that. That's all.

And now the GM deal.

I read somewhere recently that GM is currently outperforming the other two Big 3 companies. For them to come forward and make a public announcement is very mature. Maybe they can make some progress while Ford and Chrysler are still bickering in the playpen, and hopefully they'll balance their checkbooks a little better in the future.

You can find those stories on Reuters if you care to look them up.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

World Peace and a Pony, Part 2.

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Sat, 12/06/2008 - 5:42pm

Friday, December 5, 2008. North Pole.

Nick Claus loads the gifts into his bag, double checking his Excel Spreadsheet (he's moved into the 21st century) to make sure the kids got what they wanted. He gets down to Smith, Bobby; Townsborough, USA, and notices he hasn't checked anything off, even though Bobby made it to the nice_2008.xml list in the 67th nice percentile. All he has is a note he wrote down.

Find acceptable substitute, include "world_peace.doc". Dictated but not read.

"Still haven't found a decent substitute? What is this, the Happy-Feel-Good organization? How old's this kid, twelve? Give him an ant farm, or a nerf gun, or a chemistry set, or a pony for all I care, and let's get on with this!" Nick was getting a bit too stressed for his own good, especially sense the layoffs. The economy had been pretty rough on North Pole operations. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

"Excuse me, Mr. Claus, but may I have a word?"

Nick's Director of Public Relations, Jeannine Kirkland, called him into her office, and pulled up some charts.

"I was talking to Bill from finance and we decided that we ought to show you this." Jeannine pulled up a series of charts. "This graph right here shows the trends of all classes of gifts asked for in the past fifty years, by percentage. As you can see, in the past ten years, the demand for violent video games has increased by over 9000%, while the demand for more conventional toys has dropped nearly 75%. Now, as you know, we generally don't get parental consent for the violent video games for about one half of those requests. But I'm getting a bit off point.

"Last year, we tried something: we only filled one in four requests for approved rated 'M' games, and only one in three rated 'T' games, and if you'll look at this year's numbers, there is a 10% decrease in demand for those games. Meanwhile, if you'll see the next graph..."

"What's your point? I'm very busy and as you know I have very little time for these reports as it is."

"Well hold on just a moment, Mr. Claus, I was just getting there. Now if you see this graph, in the past five years alone, requests for world peace have grown exponentially. In western Europe, there are ten times more request for peace. In eastern Europe, fifteen times more. And in North America, the demand has seen a twenty-five-fold increase."

"Well, great. So children see the evils of war, but they want shoot-em-up video games in unprecedented numbers. I don't see the point. This is a business, and if we don't meet consumer demands, then we will go bankrupt. Our investments are tight as they are! So what is your point?"

"Well, we took a hit last year for the video game stunt, so I don't think that we'll try that again. But if there was some way for us to bring peace? I mean, video games get all of the advertisements, peace is just spread by word of mouth. So if we made it possible to give peace for Christmas, then-"

"Well, we have that letter, what else do we need?"

"Sir, have you ever read that letter? It's the flimsiest, most disconnected, out of touch response out of all of our letters!"

"Well, most of those kids don't know any better, right?"

"Have you read any of those letters?"

"Of course!"

Jeannine looked at him quizzically.

"Well, I mean, with all of the stuff I have to do, I guess sometimes I'll skim..."

"Mr. Claus, you don't read those letters. Either someone else skims them and gives you the highlights, or you search for keywords in the emails. Nick, these kids really think you can do this for them! And you can't just use one generic letter for all of them. All of the letters are so unique."

"I'll tell you what. I'll read of those letters over the next few days and if I think it needs a special response, I'll write one. Could you get me a copy of the form letter, too? Just for comparison?"

"Sure thing. I think we ought to really try to reach out to those kids. They're the ones who want their gifts the most."

"All right. Well, I'm gonna get going, those reindeer aren't going to feed themselves."

"Have a good weekend, Nick."

"You too, Jeannine."

And Nick 'Santa' Claus, CEO of Merry Christmas Ltd, grabbed a stack of letters off of his desk, and left the office to go home for the weekend.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

A Shameless Endorsement

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Thu, 12/04/2008 - 12:30pm

Hey fellow blaggers and blag enthusiasts, I just added gooseGrade to the blog. Goose grade lets YOU look at my post and tell me if there is anything typographically or factually wrong. It's a nifty little widget. Register at goosegrade.com and start calling me out!

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

World Peace and a Pony, Part 1.

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Thu, 12/04/2008 - 10:18am

December 4, 2008

Dear Santa Claus:

You know just as well as I do that Christmas is three weeks from today. Now I know most of the other kids that write you letters are writing to ask for stuff, but instead of an XBox this year, I just want an honest answer to some questions that I have.

First of all, Mr. Claus, I was wondering how the current economic condition in the United States will affect your gift giving. I mean, you give all the children in the world gifts with no obvious source of income apart from mall appearances and television commercials, so there has to have been some sort of investment that you made to pay for all of this. And if you invested anywhere in the United States or Europe, you probably lost quite a bit of money, and heaven help you if you invested in any banks or General Motors. Are we, the recipients of these gifts, to expect smaller presents this year? Or are you going check your naughty and nice lists more critically this year, so the kids who were really good get a gift consistent with previous years?

Also, how do you handle trips to parts of the world that are deemed 'no fly zones'? How do you get to war-torn countries where you put your life at risk just by being in their airspace? IS your sleigh armored?

And Santa, I know that you give gifts to all good girls and boys, but I have a really serious question for you. Last year, I was kind of on bad behavior for a month or so in school, but I still got a Playstation from you. Meanwhile, my best friend Stevie was a good boy who never got into trouble with the teacher, but he just got a Star Wars Monopoly game. He doesn't even like Star Wars, and he also told me that his parents told him that you might not be getting him what he wants this year. The point is, Stevie probably deserved the Playstation that I got. It just wasn't fair. Stevie is one of the nicest boys in school. He gets picked on a little bit because his clothes are kind of old, and because he doesn't get any money for snacks during lunch, he always just has a baloney sandwich and a box of apple juice. The thing that bothers me is that this one kid who punched Stevie in the face last year came back to school from Christmas break and told everyone that you gave him a computer, and I was really mad, because he punched my best friend, and had to see the principal. I had to see the principal too, because I stood up for Stevie and called this kid a bad name.

Basically I want to make it up to Stevie, because he got ripped off last year. I'm not blaming you, it could have been a mistake. But I think I owe it to Stevie, so I'm going to try to make it up to him.

Santa, Stevie's oldest brother is in Afghanistan right now. He's been there twice now, and Stevie really misses him. Now, I can't ask for you to bring Stevie's brother home to him, because that would be a present for him, and he might think it's weird that he gets two gifts from you while I get none. But I think I found a loophole. Santa, I want world peace this year, so Stevie's brother never has to go to war again. That way, Stevie can see his brother again, and there will be no more wars, and all the countries can be friends again. But world peace would be the best because Stevie could see his brother again, and he would be so happy, and Stevie deserves happiness. Can you do that?

I don't care if I anything material this year Santa, I just want Stevie to be happy.

Merry Christmas,
Bobby Smith

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

Not Even Joking

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Tue, 12/02/2008 - 5:04pm

-Mild Language-

An atheist and an evangelist walk into a bar.

The atheist, whose name is Jack, orders his drink and turns around to see what's on the television. He sees the Basketball game is on, and he is pleased. His team is beating their rivals by fifteen points with five minutes left to play. It's the final game of the NBA semifinals and his team hasn't won a national title in decades.

The evangelist, whose name is Mark, orders his drink and stares at the wall, somewhat dazed.

At the basketball game, Jack's team has had a rough run, scoring just 4 points next to their opponents 17.

With five seconds left in the game there is a foul against his team's star player. Two penalty shots. If the opposing team makes both shots, then it goes into overtime, and Jack knows his team is weak under pressure.

The first shot sinks, like a lead weight dropping into a still pond. In the electric silence, the camera zooms in on a fan with their hands clasped.

Jack begins to perspire ever so slightly. It could be the beer and the stuffy atmosphere. But he is nervous.

The next shot leaves the player's hands. It soars toward the backboard, hitting it just right of center. It lands on the rim, spins momentarily, and falls off the rim, and as it bounces off the floor the cheers are deafening. Jack, too, forgets himself, and cheering and whooping. "Hell yeah! We're goin' to the finals, baby! It's about friggin' time!"

Jack catches the glare of the bartender and a few of the patrons. He sheepishly retreats to his bar stool.

Minutes later, in a locker room interview, the star of Jack's team gives the following statement.

"I would like to thank my Mother and my Father for the win tonight. They always supported me, especially putting what money they could towards college so I could keep playing ball. I would like to thank my fans, my coaches, my teammates, and most importantly, I would like to thank God, for He knows how much we wanted this win tonight He was there to make sure that foul shot didn't drop in. Any more questions?"

Before Jack can catch any more of the mindless questions, he says to himself, a bit louder than he realizes, "The nerve of these sports players, thanking God for the game. As if God is up in Heaven watching the game, picking whichever team he wants to win. It's stupid, as if they think God had anything to do with it. If He even exists."

"What was that?" Mark was taken aback.

"Oh, I was just saying how stupid it is for the NBA stars to 'thank God' for helping them win the game. It's like wishing on a fuckin' star, for chrissake."

"Oh, well, I think it's foolish, too. God doesn't play favorites when it comes to sports. He loves all His children, and I think it's a bit blasphemous to think that just by thanking God every time you win a game you'll get on His good side."

Jack, a bit less thoughtful than usual, quipped, "You know, someone ought to tell those dicks to stop saying that. It's not like God is real or anything."

"How can you say that! God shows himself all the time, just not in pro sports."

"Really? That's bull crap. How can there possibly be one super powerful spiritual force that created everything from nothing?"

"Well, the Bible says it's true. I personally can't believe all of that stuff the scientists say about evolution, or primordial soup or anything like that. It's just ridiculous!"

"Well, it makes a ton more sense than that 'creation science' baloney. I mean, how can you say that Earth is only a few thousand years old when we have the fossil record, and radioactive dating, and all of these facts that make it clear that the universe is billions of years old?"

"Maybe God just put that there as a test of faith!"

"Oh. You can't prove me wrong, so you just act like I can't prove you wrong?"

"Well you can't! What if God put all of that there? Hew would you know?"

"It's just ridiculous!"

"Your theory is ridiculous too!"

"What, evolution? At least it's been backed up by scientific discovery."

"And creation is backed up by the Bible!"

"And there you go again. Bible this, Bible that."

"Well there's more to the Bible than just creation."

"Yeah, God screwed an old woman, made a baby who saved all mankind by dying and mysteriously vanishing three days later."

"Jesus went to Heaven!"

"Yeah? Where is Heaven?"

"Well, um..."

"That's what I thought."

"That's not fair! Heaven is where people who truly believe in Jesus go after they die. People who don't go to hell."

"Really? I thought good people stayed in the ground, and bad people stayed in the ground too."

"Well, their bodies stay..."

"Well you want to tell me what a soul is?"

"..."

"I thought as much."

And with this, Jack and Mark stopped arguing momentarily.

On the television, there was a news report about a gay rights organization in California organizing protests at city halls all over the state in protest of proposition 8.

This time Mark was the first to speak.

"You know, what do those gays think they're doing? This is a nation founded on Christian values, and there's no gay marriage in the Bible!"

Jack spat back, "Really? Because I thought that people came to America to pursue religious freedom."

"They were protestants!"

"But that doesn't make all of us protestants! The constitution guarantees the right to religious freedom! I can be as much of a Godless heathen as I want."

"Well I hope your children have more sense than you do, or else they're going to grow up with absolutely no moral base! How can you expect a child to have good strong morality without going to church?"

Jack was silent.

"I can't have any children."

"Well I suppose that's a good thing, no demon spawn of yours running around-"

"You don't understand. I am not legally allowed to raise children. Me and my boyfriend-"

(Now might be a good time to mention that the bar was in Arkansas)

"There's a damn good reason for that! You can't raise children in an unwed family, a kid needs a mom and a dad to grow up and be well-adjusted. And I wouldn't trust kids around a pervert like you anyways!"

"You know, I hope you have a beautiful son or daughter, you raise them the best you can in your little fucked up God-fearing world, and they're just as great as you could ever want then to be, and then one day you find out that they're gay. What would you do? What would you do then?"

"You know what I'd do? I'd take them by their ears and march them into God's house and have the Preacher talk some sense into them! No child of mine is going to make that sort of choice, and if-"

"Choice? You think this is a choice? The only choice I ever made was to stop living a god-awful lie and be honest! And maybe I need to make another choice- pack up everything I own and live somewhere where people don't keep trying to save my soul, or change me, or insult me!"

Jack got up, left a twenty on the bar, and stormed out.

Mark, feeling more vindicated than ever before, got into his car and drove home.

When he got home, he walked in the door and climbed into bed. His wife was away at a business conference.

He stared at the ceiling for a while, as if plagued by a question.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

Party Time!

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Mon, 12/01/2008 - 11:10pm

So it's official! We're in a recession, and have been for quite some time!

Why didn't our beloved Bush administration tell us this?

They didn't want to hurt the party.

So instead, they keep us in the dark. Great one!

Go spend money! Don't worry about it! Just take a stimulus and quit complaining.

Oh! Well look at that, a major financial institution just failed. Well, just market irregularity. It'll be all right.

Another one? Really? That's odd.

And... Another?

Well, shoot! Look at that! I guess... Um, what should we do now?

I know, let's throw money at the problem! Works in Iraq, right?

Seven hundred billion okay?

It's cool, we'll borrow it from China and make the common- I mean taxpayers- foot the bill.

Sounds great! All set, right? Okay!

Damnit, AIG! Why do you have to make these bailouts look like handouts?

Well, I guess we have no choice. We're in a recession.

Wait, what?

What memo?

Are you serious? Not even joking?

But the DOW was at thirteen thousand last year! There's no way we were in...

Oh.

Oh.

Um, this is awkward.

At least we're on the way out, right? I mean, not our problem, right? All right!

So, what's left from the earmarks? Enough for some champagne?

No, as long as it doesn't get on the news, nobody will know!

What are you talking about! Nobody watches C-Span.

Well, this administration might not get you the best jobs when it's all over, but at least we had those tax cuts!

...

Who do they think they're fooling?

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

What In God's Name?

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Mon, 12/01/2008 - 2:30pm

Continuing a series of religious posts, here I go again.

So this one time, God was chilling in Heaven, when something on Earth caught his attention.

"In the name of God, I..."

He wheeled around and saw an army moving east from Europe towards Jerusalem. He barely had time to blink when He saw that body parts were being sold as holy objects, and tickets into Heaven could be bought, all so one guy He'd never even spoken to could put some more jewels on his hat. At the same time, tribes were feuding in southwestern Asia.

God had a hard time watching this happen. He took some aspirin and called it a day.

When He woke up, he saw monks preserving ancient knowledge. He saw orders being set up to perform good charity. He saw masterpieces made, beautiful odes composed, good will being spread. But in the corner of His eye He noticed a conflict in Spain. A war had erupted, and the only real issue was whether or not some kid who died a few years back was His son. Damned if He knew.

God saw two people arguing about who knew Him better. To this day they still haven't figured it out.

God saw a boat leave England with people who disagreed with their King's views. They founded a country where it wouldn't matter what you believed.

God saw people slaughtered. Tortured. Huge houses of worship were erected for Him, and huge centers of commerce tumbled for Him as well. In times of hardship, people asked Him "Why?" and in times of plenty, He was pretty much ignored excepting the occasional footnote thanks.

God didn't know what to say about this.

He saw His followers organizing food drives for victims of natural disasters. He saw His followers claim that people of other races, orientations, and creeds were despised by Him. He saw His followers trying to understand themselves and the world they lived in. He saw people justify ignorance in His name in courts and in the public domain.

"What did I do?" asked God. "I didn't want all of this to happen. Where did I mess up?"

God stared out at His universe. A reflection of Himself appeared out of it; God was displeased. It wasn't what He had created that made Him unhappy, but rather, a more existential crisis.

"If there's a world out there so full of hate, but I am a loving God, how can I possibly be?"

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

A Post-God World

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Sun, 11/30/2008 - 11:45pm

I woke up one day to find that God had left our universe for a parallel one. He left a note on the planet on his way out.

It read: "Not what I want, but what you want."

It wasn't the most obvious thing. All the churches stayed open, Sunday worship happened as usual. But something seemed different.

These churches- God's houses- were not any less attended then usual, but they seemed emptier. They were not any darker than usual, but something appeared more obscured. There was no less rapport in the congregations, but they seemed lonelier.

I didn't notice at first. But I was walking through crowds at a rally against a ban on gay Marriage when I figured out what was different.

I saw a row of people at the rally promising an eternity of damnation to these sodomites, these disgusting perverts, who were so brash as to request legal marriage in the eyes of Lady Justice. Who, I might add, is atheist, or at least won't judge you.

I'm no expert on God, I thought to myself.

But in my mind I flashed back about two thousand years, to a city where one faith was about to father another. Birth of a faith from the death of a man. There's something symmetrical there.

A young man, not twenty years older than me, is crying in a garden. He is talking to his father. The young man knows his death is impending, but hopes his father might intervene. But in the end, his father, the man he was born to serve, convinces him that it is what is right.

The young man sighs, "Not what I want, but what You want."

His crime was dubious. It was something that certainly would not be illegal in America, for what it's worth.

But I suppose that's beside the point.

The young man was found. His punishment was death, in a humiliating and ruthless manner. Something that certainly would be considered cruel and unusual in America, for what it's worth.

But again that's irrelevant.

A few people thought they saw him, a few days after. Now returning to the present, a lot of people believe them.

I am at a college where, in my graduating class, less than half of the people believe that last bit.

Yet this is a Christian nation.

But that's beside the point.

I'm back at the rally. I realize that God had left when I realized that the line of people promising an eternity of damnation to these sodomites, these disgusting perverts, were not serving God. They were serving themselves.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

Say whaaaaaa, EMILY'S LIST???

Progressive Bellwether (by Beata Bujalska) - Sat, 11/22/2008 - 7:32pm

Hey, is anyone surprised about this? Ellen Moran, exec. director of EMILY's list, is Obama's new communications director. This is interesting, because, as all of you know, EMILY's list was one of the key endorsers of Hilary during the primaries. This may be one of those reaching across the aisle moves that, apparently, we still need to do, despite winning the election. A recent poll (somewhere, don't ask me where) showed that women are fairly pissed off with the results of this election cycle, and, well, it seems that Obama wishes to make things a bit better by casting Hil-Hil in the Sec. of State role and now giving this position to Moran.

Moran's resume boasts union work for the AFL-CIO and the campaign for better wages at Walmart corporation. There's still hope for me.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

Weekend roshambo

Progressive Bellwether (by Beata Bujalska) - Sat, 11/22/2008 - 10:45am

Sexy updates for sexy people.

• So, looks like Hil Hil has a new job.
• As does Geithner.
• Obamaloonies are eagerly awaiting every baby step and first word of the administration.
• Kitchen sink agreements are most effective.
• Laborers' Union: THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR!!!
• Bush dropping the ball?? What??? Impossible!
• The perks of Verizon.
• Holy snaps, Rep. Nadler! H.RES 1531, aka Bush can suck it.

Chris Matthews feels up lesbians while doing a seductive dance.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

Morning roshambo

Progressive Bellwether (by Beata Bujalska) - Fri, 11/21/2008 - 9:27am

Political karaoke edition, balls in your face. Make sure to cover those suckers up, because it's hella cold outside.

• Lookie here, a new job listing: liberal state seeking qualified candidate to work in a semi-professional atmosphere. Sense of humor required.
• So, maybe it wasn't the best idea to come into town on a private jet.
• Bloodshed and an elite coup, or just another day in the House.
• New torture method: recount in MN (I think we've figured out what to do with Gitmo detainees).
• I'm not the only Dem to agree with Romney, which means one thing: there's a contamination going around so make sure to wash your hands.

Stuffed turkey.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

America's blog is an American firefighting hero...in bed

Progressive Bellwether (by Beata Bujalska) - Thu, 11/20/2008 - 3:09pm

Brand-spanking new: completely accurate and useful personality analysis for your blog. You probably knew most of these things about Progressive Bellwether already, but here is your reminder.

"The independent and problem-solving type. (LIKE A MAVERICK!!! LIKE SARAH PALIN!!!)They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generelly prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts. The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters."
Excuse me while my blog runs off to put out a CA wildfire.
Ooh, and lookie - brainssssss.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

Morning roshambo

Progressive Bellwether (by Beata Bujalska) - Thu, 11/20/2008 - 9:17am

Your leader has clawed her way out of Dick Cheney's marshmallow cave, just in time to tell you what's going on in this crazy, crazy nation.

• Nobody likes a quitter. Or a felon.
• A daschund name Tom is the new White House puppy. He's really into health care reform.
• The recession might force Hilary to get a weekend job. As Sec. of State.
• Yes, I admit it. I actually agreed with Romney this morning. Damn you, automakers!
• Tufts has groundbreaking Joe the Plumber interview. (Wonkette feature!!!!)
• Uh, isn't credit...like...free money?

Gay fascism demands wearing a light pink battledress.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats

How Wonkette Screwed Us Over (Clean)

Blog Without Preconditions (by Matt McGowen) - Mon, 11/17/2008 - 9:37pm

This is an edited version of an earlier post.

What the **** are you guys thinking? Why in earth would you post something like (note: racist slur) http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/73402 on a website designed to help the republican party?

I would not assume that this is a liberal's work, if not for the fact that the writer proudly told me that he authored the post.

And then there's http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/72840.

This is despicable. I am a liberal. I think free speech is important. But this is just wrong.

This is a very poor reflection on democrats. The republican party is at a pivotal moment right now, and all that we can do is post this bull****, misguided attempt at a victory lap on a website meant to move the republican party forward.

This only reinforces the idea that all liberals are elitists who think all republicans are variations on a middle-America redneck stereotype. To the conservatives who fit this mold, it is offensive, and personally so. To the conservatives who don't, and I know a fair few, this seems juvenile and makes us liberals seem out of touch.

What is wrong with you? Are you so bored since MyBarackObama has run out of calls to give you? You can't find anything else to do with your time, so you post all the **** from the 1 million strong against McCain groups you were in on Facebook to the website that was meant to move on? What are you thinking?

This makes me ashamed to be a liberal, if not for the hope that there are some others out there who agree with me on this.

Honestly, your political party isn't just something like a sports team that makes us despise other regions irrationally. Or, I thought it wasn't. But I suppose I'm not perfect.

Apparently, we'll start seeing as many "Obama is A Commie" shirts on the street as we see "Jeter Sucks A-Rod" shirts. And I guess it's fine because we won the presidency, so we're set for good, right?

NO! What did you think, that Obama gets the election and we're good to go? Got away clean? That was only the beginning! The president has a JOB, it's not like baseball where we have the off-season and then we start campaigning again, leading up to another showdown in the fall. That's not what this is about.

I'm so sick of politics right now. It might be a while before I post again. I have to figure out why some people can be so stupid sometimes.

I was honestly hoping that we might move on from partisan politics sooner or later. But it seems right now that I'll have to wait.

Categories: Election Coverage from The Tufts Democrats